Publishing is a competitive industry in Japan, with over 80,000 new books published every year. Choosing a good title that catches the attention of readers can be the difference between a commercial success and a failure. Some authors have taken this idea to the extreme. Although it is said “you should never judge a book by its cover,” some of these titles are just too intriguing not to. We rounded up some of the funniest book titles we could find.

Capable Men have Large Poop
I am not exactly sure what sort of a stance they are taking in this book. Do they want to take all those “can-do” men down a peg, or are they trying to inspire less-capable men to increase their fecal fecundity. While I go trademark that last phrase, I leave you to ponder which is better: a capable man who poops a lot, or an incompetent man with more manageable shits.

Capable Men Are Decided by Their Nipples
Not to be outdone, this author suggests another possible trend among the business elite. It is important to note that this is not the same author as the book about big poop. If you ask me, people are spending far too much time worrying about banal details of successful men, instead of, you know, actually doing business. But what do I know? I may have the nipples of a failure.

My Wife is a Doberman
Calling your wife a dog in the title of your book is ballsy, but including a picture of her on the cover is just downright inconsiderate. I suppose if there were no picture of her, it might seem like the memoirs of a zoophile. To the couple’s credit, they look happy and she seems to be in on the joke, or maybe she is just waiting for her chance to bite his throat.

Why Do Fathers Fall Down at Sports Festivals?source:
When I imagine a sad and defeated father, trudging down to the bookstore to find a book that helps him not be such a klutz in front of his children, this book sort of depresses me. Being laughed at, or worse yet scorned by your own children for your lack of athletic prowess is humiliating. Thinking that you will somehow find the key to athleticism from a book, and not at the gym is even worse.

Why Are There So Many Bald People in the First Class Car?
Gee, I dunno? Maybe because they toiled for countless hours of unpaid overtime in a miserable, lifeless cubicle and endured incalculable stress and mental anguish to the point that their hair finally said “fuck this, I am gonna’ find somebody who doesn’t need to chain smoke two packs a day and chug canned coffee just to keep from jumping out the 10th story window.” Then, after fighting tooth-and-nail for decades just to drag the empty shell of their lives up a couple rungs on the cruel, inhuman corporate ladder, they indulge themselves with one hour of comfort, not surrounded by other mouth-breathing, mindless drones on their laptops, just so you can play candy crush and comment about how bald dudes are “harshing your mellow.” Or something like that.

Who Are You to Tell Another Person They Have a Hair Coming Out of Their Nose?
Well somebody is certainly a bit touchy about their hirsute schnozzle. This just in: Although the word “beezer” was flagged by spellchecker, you will be delighted to know both “schnoz” and “schnozzle” passed free and clear, as did the word “klutz” earlier. Apparently this spellchecker is down with Yiddish.

That Kamehameha is Illegal
Of course they are referencing Civil Code §138.2 – “The use of Saiyan energy waves with intent to inflict bodily harm or the destruction of personal property is a felony punishable by imprisonment.” Everybody knows that one, ya’ dum-dum.

How to Compliment an Ugly Person
Learn such useful phrases as “you don’t sweat so bad, for a fat girl,” and “you have lovely summer teeth: some’re here, some’re there.” But seriously, if it’s a challenge to find a way to compliment somebody that is not based on their physical appearance, perhaps you need something a little more extensive than this book. Like complete social reprogramming.

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